Cleatus?

Doug and I went to our second trimester ultrasound on Monday and got a good look at baby #2's giant penis.

YEP!! It's another boy!!! (Or an extremely male-looking hermaphrodite.)

I am simulaneously thrilled ("okay. boys. yes, I know how to raise a boy. girls are scary and little girls' clothes are slutty") and terrified ("two? two boys? God help me, I am now totally outnumbered.")

Now we have begun in earnest the search for a name. Doug has been extremely helpful. Let me know if you are particularly drawn to any of his suggestions: Lucifer, Buzz, Cleatus, Dallas, Lemon, Rosco.

A BOY!

Coming out at age 2

In the bath yesterday:

H [out of the blue]: I like guys.

D & S: You like guys?

H: Yeah. I like guys.

Mr. Independent/Bully

Scene 1:

Picking Harrison up at daycare. Sarah walks in and Harrison is finishing up his snack.

H: Hi, Mama!
S: Hi, Buddy!
H: I clean up!

Harrison gets up, cleans up bowl/cup, goes to bathroom to wash hands. Sarah follows to help. Harrison pushes Sarah out of bathroom.

H: Do myself.

*****
Scene 2:

Sarah and Harrison sit in car listening to a Sesame Street CD.

S [singing]: Let's take a drive in an automobile. Let's take a ride in car! Listen to the engine go vroom vroom---
H: Nooooo! No sing, Mama.
S: I can't sing along?
H: NO.

Image: Walking in Northampton (taken by Aunt Val)

Changes

I think that pregnancy is 70% excitement/happiness and 30% fear/doubt. With the first one the doubts are: how is this going to change my relationship with my partner? how will I adapt to my role as a parent? do I have to give up my life? am i going to be a good parent? am I strong enough to do this?

I know the answers to all of these questions this time around, but there are a new set to replace them.

The first time I talked to my sister-in-law Lori after finding out I was pregnant, she said, "Just wait until you see Harrison the first time after giving birth to this new baby. He will look so big and grown up. When Ivy was born, I burst out in tears the first time Zoe walked into the room."

When she said that, I teared up a little bit, because I could already understand what she was talking about. Just being pregnant again makes me think often about carrying and birthing Harrison, sleeping at night with Doug's hand on my big belly while Harrison turned and stirred inside me, and then later bringing Harrison home from the hospital on that third day of his life, so tiny and pink, and us so completely clueless about what to do with this new little creature now squriming in our bed.

I know that Harrison was that little baby, but sometimes I don't believe it. Last Monday we converted his crib into a toddler bed. We had so many fears that he'd be out roaming, falling out in the night, playing with his toys and his books, not sleeping, but he has been fine. No falling. No problems. He's proud of his new bed and comforter and pillow, and couldn't wait to show Gramma and Papa H as soon as they came in the door for a visit on Thursday. Then last weekend while I was washing dishes and Doug and Harrison were doing some chores in the living room, our 10-year old neighbor Alex came over to ask if Harrison could come out to play, and I lost my shit at the sink. Doug looked at me like I was out of my mind, and I can blame some of it on hormones (right?) but I do need to come to terms with the inescapable fact that Harrison is growing up. That soon he's going to be the big brother.

I also need to deal with some guilt I have about Harrison having to share me with a new baby, and being a little sad for myself because I won't have much alone time with Harrison anymore.

Does every parent go through this the second time around?