Image: Twins with a Thomas train set

Val's desire for me to add to my brood is not helped by her love of freaking me out with the prospect of human cloning.

Skater-dater true love and pork futures

kbt's is by far the best feedback I've received on my riduculous little film.

"i am computer challenged, and i am being taunted by the little movie-to-be just sitting on my desktop, refusing to open, refusing to play with me, refusing to divulge the secret training regime in which you are immersing Harrison so that he will become a killer spy dolphin, roaming the post-apocalyptic world, armed with teeth, webbed fingers and the art of the drunken master kung-fu style, wreaking havoc on the uninitiated and oil-dependent, traipsing through the halls of power on little dolphin fins, implanted with spy cameras that report his every victory to you insane, manipulative parents, bent on freeing the world from GW, using your offspring for your own agendas, when really, all harrison wanted was to play with dolls, find his skater-dater true love, and become an inside trader of pork futures. that is just sad, sarah. "

I have three comments:

1. Man, is she going to be disappointed when she finally gets it to work.
2. The Flipper Spy plot made me recall a dream I once had that I later entitled "The Talking Shark Obstacle Course."
3. I had to look in IMDB to get this Austin Powers quote just right: "You know, I have one simple request. And that is to have sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads! Now evidently my cycloptic colleague informs me that that cannot be done. Ah, would you remind me what I pay you people for, honestly? Throw me a bone here! What do we have? "
3a. Wait...does that make me Dr. Evil in your scenario, Karen?!?! (I ask that with my pinky raised to my lips while stroking a white persian cat.)

Goth Elmo

Now this is funny shit.

(No pun intended.)

The Boob Tube

Harrison has suddenly become character/brand conscious, and I am scared. It is totally our fault, because we did, as you know, encourage him to watch and dance to the Muppet Season 1 DVDs for a few minutes every day for the past three months. (On a side note, he has started calling the Muppets "BowBow" for reasons Doug and I aren't privy to.) We've branched out a bit with the Sesame Street 25th anniversary DVD, which contains all the classic songs and a few other vintage gems and (thankfully) very little Elmo.

As far as live TV goes: he gets about 5 minutes of local news/weather with his dad every morning and a little bit of Sesame Street on Saturday and Sunday, if we get out of bed in time. He sometimes has the patience to glance at some of the other PBS shows on the weekend, in the midst of his play: Bob the Builder, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Between the Lions. We also watch our only adult weekend TV together: The Sunday Morning show on CBS. It is the best show ever made in the history of mankind (and if you don't watch it, you are LAME because Charles Osgood is awesome, especially when he sings bizarre little rhyming songs about current events). Harrison disagrees and thinks it is the most boring show in the history of mankind and usually finds some other way to amuse himself when it's on.

Anyway, as I was saying, Harrison is now aware of the Muppets (both of the Sesame and Show variety) as a brand. This awareness is sometimes bad. Already I've experienced a couple of supermarket and toy store breakdowns when Elmo or Ernie has been spotted from afar. I see on the horizon tantrums over the latest Elmo toy and begging to be taken to some evil ice shows.

I'm still working out my feelings about the role of TV in our household. What I have come up with so far:

I do not think that TV is a purely evil presence that needs to be banned from our household completely.

I recognize and resent that most kids TV shows exist to sell products, both the products that are advertised during the show and merchandise related to the show itself. Everything these days is cross promoted. You can get sponge bob cereal, underwear, blow-ups, and party hats. You can probably get sponge bob vacuum cleaner bags. It truly scary how much junk is marketed at children and the parents of children Harrison's age.

PBS shows are less evil. Maybe. We don't have cable, so Harrison's live TV viewing is limited to the kids programming on PBS. Yes, PBS is not for profit and their shows are mostly praised for being educational. But their kids shows are still a brand. I have read that Sesame Street is what first brought PBS national attention and I don't doubt that it is their biggest cash cow, what with all the Elmo vacuum cleaner bags and whatnot.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with us using the TV as a babysitter for 10 minutes or so at a time.

I see absolutely nothing wrong with us using the TV as entertainment to watch and talk about and dance and sing to together for 30 minutes or so at a time.

Like it or not, TV-watching is a cultural norm for kids and I don't want Harrison to be a complete social misfit just because he's never seen Spongebob. I grew up with a strict, small diet of TV (no cable and it was off after 5 o'clock every school day) and I have a very vivid memory of all the kids in 5th grade talking about Inspector Gadget and being embarrassed that I had no idea what they were talking about.

Obviously, I don't have a plan worked out and this is something that Doug and I need to discuss. I know the answer will ultimately have something to do with this magic word: moderation. I'm just not sure yet of the specifics. I do think that the absence of cable in our house will help mitigate the problem of TV addiction and marketing overload. I do know that I want Harrison to spend a lot of time at the library and to play outside and work on art projects like I did growing up. I'm just not sure how TV fits into that equation.

And I haven't even yet begun to think about video games…

Destructo!

My friend Gordon over at machaggis has kindly put up my first feeble attempt at digital movie making: Destructo. You can see it by clicking here.

I also showed it at Sundance last weekend and the reviews are in:

"No stars. Did Ms. Hooper tape this on beta from a broadcast of America's Funniest Home Videos?"

"What's next, footage of Harrison trying to hit a baseball and accidentally whacking his Dad's crotch?"

Stay tuned for "Destructo II: The Reckoning" where you can see our hero get put in time out as punishment, set to Mozart's Requiem.

Image: Lazy Blog

Speaking of Cookie Monster

Yesterday after dinner (during which Harrison actually repeatedly said "mmmmmmmmm" while eating steamed broccoli and proceeded to ask for "muh" [more] of said broccoli. twice.) we gave him half of a rocky road cookie. He nibbled at the cookie for a few minutes and then noticed we were clearing the table. Then he shoved about 5 bites worth of cookie into his mouth at once, threw his hands up, then garbled through a mouthful of chocolate, nut, and marshmallow mush, "Ah nah!" [All done!]

Then he pointed at the pack of cookies.

"Muh?"

The kid is getting smart.

Image: One year ago

I haven't been taking many photos, so here's one of my favorites from about a year ago.

I vant to suck your blood

When I was a kid, I had the Sesame Street Brownstone playset that came with all the Sesame Street character Little People. I loved that thing, and I want to play with it again now that I have Harrison, but my parents gave it away, and yes, I'm bitter, and yes, I looked on ebay and there's one there with a starting bid of $8.99, which is a great deal, but it doesn't come with the people. If you want the people another seller has them starting at $35. That lot includes 1 Oscar, 1 Susan, 1 Ernie, and 1 Gordon "All are in very good condition!!", which is great, but also includes 2 Mr Hoopers and 2 Big Birds, which is disturbing, because who wants two Mr. Hoopers and two Big Birds but no Grover, Bert, Cookie Monster, or Count? Especially for $35. And even though I've been obsessing about the loss of my brownstone and little people, I just can't justify spending that much money to satisfy my nostalgia. Grrr.....

Harrison is starting to get into Sesame Street. He says "Eh-nee!" whenever he sees Ernie (and Big Bird-?) and "Meh-mo!" whenever he sees Elmo. He likes to sing and dance when we sing the Elmo theme and the Journey to Ernie song and then says "MUH!" [I demand MORE singing, slaves!] when we're done.

When I was a kid I was terrified of the Count von Count. I made my Dad hang on to him and keep him in his dresser so that I wouldn't have to play with him unsupervised. Sometimes I would ask my Dad to take The Count out for me to look at, but we were never alone. I was also afraid of Cookie Monster. The Cookie Monster Little Person was okay, but I had a stuffed Cookie Monster that had this gaping open mouth, presumably with which to gobble up mass amounts of cookies and small children. I had my Gram sew Cookie's mouth closed. Then he was alright.

Harrison's not such a wuss. He's obsessed with Count von Count. This week he learned how to laugh like the Count--- "Ah ah ah ah!" with a Transylvanian accent. We can't read the Sesame Street book because we must go directly to the picture of the Count and laugh "Ah ah ah ah!"

Monday, right after this Count obsession started, I left Harrison's room after putting him down for the night and was telling Doug about his Count-laughing shenanigans and as I was talking, turning on the baby monitor and we hear "AH AH AH AH!"

He was laying in the dark, by himself. Laughing. like. The. Count.

Bathtime with Little Harrison

Tuesday we're giving Harrison his bath and, as usual, he's standing up and spending a bit of time playing with Little Harrison and giggling. After about a minute or so of this, he decides he's going to try and take a look at Little Harrison, so he peers down, but he can't see past The Belly, because The Belly is so large it looks like its gestating an eight-month old human fetus. So he decides he's going to bend over and get a better view, only he's standing in about 6 inches of bathwater, so his head goes underwater and when he stands back up he's drenched down to the top of his eyebrows, which is probably as far as he was willing to stick his head underwater in order to investigate.

Oh, how Doug and I laughed.

Asian Angel #1, reporting for duty

Harrison has a bedtime book called "The Angel's Lullaby" which features a host of heavenly multicultural angels lulling a little girl to sleep. Whenever he gets to this picture of what I'll call Asian Angel #1, he points and says "Mama mama mama mama mama mama!"

I'm not quite sure what to think of this. Part of me has flashbacks to self-hating fourth grade, "Why can't I be the sexy blonde Angel with the Farrah wings!?!?"

Groan.. Sorry, those puns were bad ("angel" get it? "wings" get it?), but seriously, back in the early eighties when Van, Hieu, Val, and I used to watch Charlie's Angels repeats, we would assign each of us an Angel to "be".

Somehow Van and Hieu always ended up scoring either of the hot blondes: Jill/Farrah or Chris/Cheryl Ladd. I usually got to be Kelly/Jaclyn Smith (this was pre-Kmart clothing line and even though she was a brunette, she was pretty hot AND smart, so I was satisfied.) Val was the youngest and got stuck "being" Sabrina/Kate Jackson, the dark-haired and smart but ultimately dorky one, who rarely got to wear whorish outfits or use her boobs to somehow trick the bad guys.

Sorry, Val. At least you weren't Bosley.

(Oh my god, how am I not in therapy?)

I Love You, Sun. I Love You, Moon. I Love You, Daddy's Pajama Pants String

Babycenter.com says

"Revamp a classic name with a little punctuational flair. We dig these very creative apostrophe-enhanced spellings from 2005"

"Aa'Niyah, Ce'Qwoia, Jo'El, Rach'El, A'Driannah, Cha'Nce, Ka'Ren, Se'Heira, An'Gelez, Cour'Tez, Ky'Lee, Tai'Lor, A'Ngelina, De'Liberately, Ma'Kayla, Ty'Rece, Bles'Id, God'Iss, Myr'Acle, 'Zavier, Cam'Ren, Jer'Miah, O'Livia, Zy'Eire"

Wow.

"Eat your vegetables, De'Liberately!"
"Ce'Qwoia, dinner's ready!"

I don't know what else to say.

Wow.

So depressing

We just got our year-end daycare statement:


2005 Year-to-Date Total..............................$9,185

Go, Harrison, Go!

I plead nearly two weeks without internet access as my excuse for not posting sooner. That and incredible laziness.

In a rather large nutshell:

There were many presents for Harrison (a wooden train, legos, an array of cars and trucks ("whoo! whoo!" he says as he pushes them), an arseload of clothes, more clothes, a playmobil menagerie, muppet cds, an assortment of books, a sweet classic red radio flyer tricycle (with bell! and streamers!) animal bowling pins, a wooden barn with farm animals, a collection of plastic animals, magnets, etc. etc. etc.). It wasn't an insane amount of toys and only one of them makes deafening electronic bloops. We were able to put away many of the baby toys that he'd outgrown, so Harrison's room is only slightly more filled with junk and my geeky obsession with the spare bungalow aesthetic is mostly satisfied. (I know. I do realize that I am doomed.)

There were family visits (Val, Tara, and my parents a few days after Christmas); friends over for dinner (Jamie and Kama; Ashley, Andy, and Emma; Inga, Mike, and Kaiva); several bottles of wine; lots of baking and consumption of the results. There were 10 days away from work and computers and blogging.

Christmas was spent at the Jurenkos and Christmas Day was low key. Actually, it was so low key that Doug, Harrison, and I didn't bathe and spent the day in our pajamas stuffing our faces with polish food. (Note: this is not a bad way to spend Christmas.)

Harrison had a few bad spells of tantrums, throwing things, scratching, flailing, and whining. God help us if it gets worse as he approaches two. I find that I am mostly patient with his mood swings. I think they come from frustration that he understands so much but can't communicate very well. (Perhaps I am rationalizing this with hopes that as soon as he can talk more, the tantrums will stop.) Mostly I find it hard not to take his fleeting meanness personally, like when we're snuggling sweetly and then Mr. Hyde takes over and starts pulling my hair, smacking me, and yelling "No!" in the snottiest tone imaginable. I will get over it. Or I will run away from home. Or send him to an orphanage. Doug told me it is not appropriate for me to joke about drowning your own children in the tub.

The other 95% of the time, Harrison is awesome in the dictionary sense: inspiring awe. We saw so many changes in him over the holiday. His vocabulary of spoken words is growing slowly, but his comprehension is incredible. He's always listening and we've had to start spelling certain words. Words like "T-V", "C-O-O-K-I-E", "C-R-A-C-K-E-R", 'O-U-T-S-I-D-E", and "S-N-A-C-K". Oh, and "M-U-P-P-E-T". Fucking "MUPPET!"

I created a monster and that monster is addicted to The Muppet Show. Well, just to the Muppet Theme song and Kermit's introduction. Fifty times a day he runs over and points at the turned-off T-V and grunts and gestures at the DVD box and does a dance. This is the indication to "Put the damn Muppets on NOW PEOPLE! What part about this grunting and pointing and dancing don't you understand!?" We mostly comply.

He's also learned his first proper names: "Melmo" "Ernie" and "BooBah". Sorry, real humans.

We're still in a period of mourning about the death of the Christmas tree, which was removed from the house, put out on the curb New Year's Day, and picked up for tree recycling on Monday. I keep finding Harrison at the front door, looking longingly out at the street. Whenever we say the word "tree", he goes to the door and says "bye bye!"

Yesterday he said "Da Oh!" whenever he pointed at the book "Go, Dog, Go!" Yesterday he pointed at the office building where Doug and I work and said "Dada!" when he and I drove by on our way home from daycare. Yesterday he took a CD out of the case, put it in the CD player, closed the tray, and pushed play. Yesterday I gave him some raisins and he looked at my like "Aren't you forgetting something?" and then went to the cereal cupboard, opened it, got out the bag of Cheerios, and handed them to me. Yesterday Doug came home and told me that on the drive in Harrison pointed at our office and said "Mama!"

Aiyah. That was just one day.

Happy New Year, everyone! I'm excited about what the rest of 2006 has in store.

Image: Legos